I like to think everyone has a conversion story. Cradle Catholics are no exception. We can live just on the border of faith for years, decades, or lifetimes, but the decision to follow Jesus is instantaneous. A snap of the fingers, it may seem, or a strike of lightning. The particular bolt that struck me was beauty.
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I disregarded beauty for most of my life. Of course, I liked to look at things that seemed “pretty”. I liked the color of the sky on easy days, vibrant paintings without too deep of a message, and well-made clothing. But the problem was that I thought it was all about me. I thought my opinion was the deciding factor in what was beautiful and what wasn’t. In other words, I thought it was subjective. Real beauty, on the other hand, is identifiable–objective.
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It didn’t take long before I was jaded, starved of real beauty. I could no longer recognize it. Instead of beauty, it was shock that caught my attention. Relatable lyrics, packed schedules, active friend groups, angry and loud music, and ever-changing (yet uninspired) fashion kept me in a distracted spiral. It darkened more of my life than I knew. I could no longer find peace or awe in Truth. The world traps the hungry to starve them, distracting them from all things that point to God. With eyes glazed over a screen, we don’t even notice that our art has been vulgarized, and if not vulgarized then devoid of meaning. Addictions of all kinds are everywhere, careless friendships and empty speech are expected and at times demanded. Silence and solitude, where saints have reported the voice of God, are some of the most commonly identified fears. It’s unironic. It seems like we don’t know anything but vulgarity, immodesty, carelessness, distortion, and waste.
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The Jesus-sized hole in our hearts can’t be filled by all these things that lack substance. The human heart has an innate desperation for beauty. The moment that I realized this for the first time is a vivid memory. Distracted in a lecture and homesick out of my mind, my philosophy professor was on a tangent. I started listening at the perfect time to hear her quote something along the lines of “where truth and goodness depart, beauty too will vanish”. Then, the beauty of pilgrimages, basilicas, relics, sacred music, icons, nature, and people who I had passed by for years hit me at once. I knew I had to wake up. Enraged and softened at the same time, I became desperate to learn how to reunite truth, goodness, and beauty in my life.
If we are warriors for Christ, we must be warriors for beauty. After many battles we will lay our armor at His feet. Where Christ is, there also is beauty. He is the Truth. He is Goodness. He is Beauty. It takes a lifetime to re-attune ourselves to see His face. Once we do, we will never again crave the counterfeit, nor fall for the wolf in sheep’s clothing.